Post 55
Failure: Let's Take Another Look
Earlier this month I commented on the observation that most New Year's Resolutions are discarded or given up as failed attempts by the end of February. If you made a resolution in January, how are you doing? Are you experiencing success in new endeavors? Are modifications in behavior taking hold and beginning to feel normal? Hopefully - regardless of the results so far - you have not given yourself the big, red-inked "F" and labeled yourself as a failure.
"Failure" is a tough word. Nobody likes to see themselves in this context. We shrink at the sight of a failing grade on a test. We shrink again at the disappointment that failure to accomplish may bring to others - and to ourselves. Then too, failure may be labeled in terms that are even more demeaning and unrealistic than the failed act truly is. Worse yet, we can be the label-making, finger-pointers.
Last year, I read an article about this very topic of "failure". The author placed a kinder, more gentle emphasis on accomplishments gone sour or not completed. Rather than seeing failure as an end-of-the-line product, the readers are encouraged to express their failed or not-so-perfect attempts as a stage in the process of change and/or learning.
As I read this explanation, I thought about my first attempt at sewing a dress from scratch. Well, I did complete the work and was able to wear the dress but it didn't quite look like the image on the pattern cover - nor did it fit exactly how I thought it should. So what was my response to this very difficult (for me) project? I recognized that there was a lot of unexpected learning built into first-ever undertakings! Below is a list of these lessons learned. Included are italicized observations or questions that may be of help as you tackle new attempts to achieve desired goals in 2014.
1. Into the project, I wound up seeking help from a more experienced seamstress. She was able to complete the shoulder seams so they would fit!
Seek expert help first. Don't be afraid to ask for help before, during, or after a project!
2. I selected a pattern more suitable for a higher-level seamstress.
Consider the realistic nature of your goal/resolution. Is it more accomplishable in segments? Can you achieve your final desired goal by way of steps that are more realistic for your abilities/nature/individual setting?
3. I selected fabric that was prone to raveling - and therefore, very difficult to cut and sew on the machine. I learned that this material was a nightmare - at my level of sewing ability - to work with.
What helps/knowledge/equipment do you have to achieve your goal? What do you need - from the beginning - to start your endeavor?
4. I discovered, later, that I enjoyed sewing and working with materials - but not dressmaking! Instead, curtains, tablecloths, napkins, and pillow shams were more pleasing projects for me to make and enjoy.
Disappointing results may actually lead to more workable - and satisfying - outcomes ... even new accomplishments!
5. I regretted spending money on expensive material for a product that turned out to be a disappointment.
Looking back, I learned that the above lessons learned were more valuable than the cost of the pricey fabric. Over time, these lessons have morphed into priceless guides and words of wisdom for me - and others!
In closing, let us remember that life - in its fullness - is about learning. Recovery too is about steps ... and the personal learning that comes with each step, toward healing and wholeness.
Blessings,
Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries
For more information on relapse and recovery, go to www.grmumc.org
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