WE
DON’T GET TO PICK OUR PARENTS … and …
Post
82
Here we stand, May 30 - Memorial Day - basically
half-way between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Behind us are the sweetly worded cards, floral bouquets, generational
pictures taken, and time spent in person or on the phone. Looking ahead, there are lists being made:
grilling out plans, sporting events, more pictures to be taken and time spent
with the family. Sound familiar and
predictable? Well, not always. We
don’t get to choose our parents … and sometimes, parents do not provide
healthy environments for their children to grow and thrive. Sometimes, those
beautifully written, sentimental cards don’t express reality; and – again -
sometimes, there may not even be a parent for whom to buy a special greeting
card.
For this month’s May edition of the GRM Blog, we will take a look – via
several listings of diagnostic questions – at what home life may look like to a child (or an adult looking back at
his/her childhood) whose parent(s) and/or siblings may be problem gamblers.
Perhaps, these questions will help our blog-audience folks to recognize that an
influential person in the home may be experiencing gambling addiction. Hopefully
too, such a realization will open gates to help and hope through treatment
and support groups as Gamblers Anonymous and Gam-Anon.
From www.gam-anon.org,
the following questions are taken from the listing entitled, Did You Grow Up with a Compulsive Gambler? (Note:
the below wording is from the perspective of recalling the past … these same
questions can be re-tensed to pertain to the present day.)
MONEY
ISSUES
·
Were you often missing money?
·
Did you hide your money?
·
Were you ever asked to lend money to a
parent to pay a bill or debt?
·
Did you know that if you loaned money to
a parent, or payed a bill, that the money would not be repaid?
·
Were you told that there was a bank
account for you - and when you were older discovered that the money was
removed?
·
Do you obsess about money? Do you feel that you can never have enough
money?
UNCERTAINTIES
·
Were you promised gifts or necessities
that were never given?
·
Was the parent away from home for
unexplained periods of time?
SOCIAL
RELATIONSHIPS
·
Did you stay home a lot so you didn’t
have to explain your home life to anyone else?
Did you avoid bringing friends home?
·
Is it difficult to trust people? Do you feel that you can never trust anyone
totally?
PERSONAL
ROLE / IDENTITY
·
Did your parents fight about money? Did you feel responsible?
·
When you were growing up, did you ever
feel that everyone depended on you to hold the family together?
·
Did your parents use you as their
sounding board for their marriage?
·
Do you feel more like the parent than
the child?
·
Do you feel your relationship with your
family is a lie?
ACTIVITIES
·
Did your family activities revolve
around playing cards, watching sports on TV, particularly in the lottery and
other gambling activities?
·
Did the family vacations center around
gambling activities?
IN
SUMMARY, as described by Lynn John Rambeck,
Psy.D. and Elizabeth M. George for the
Minnesota Department of Human Services in the pamphlet It’s Not About Me
…
children
of problem gamblers may feel:
GUILTY, EMBARRASSED, MAD, RESPONIBLE, CONFUSED,
LONELY, and DEPRESSED
GRM Blog’s June edition will continue with
information for children and older family members whose lives are (have been)
directly affected by persons within the home who are suffering from gambling
addiction.
In addition, below are helpful websites for family
members dealing with a loved one who is a compulsive gambler.
Blessings,
Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries
FOR
MORE INFORMATION GO TO:
