Post 36

LOVING:  Not Always About Liking … but Always About Hope!

Years ago, I preached a series of sermons about Love.  Over a number of weeks, we explored several varieties of love – from the cozy, comfortable  feeling of affection and well-being toward persons we really do like … to the most difficult level of loving individuals who proactively have it out for us, carrying vendettas in wanton and unpredictable ways.

Sometimes, love can turn into a downward direction, souring and dissolving into disappointment, nothingness, and perhaps even harm.  Most likely, dysfunctional behavior initiates that downward spiral of broken relationships.  When this happens within families, anger, blame, guilt, and shame commonly result. Unpredictability and chaos reign.  It seems everyone shares a piece of the not-so-lovable-or-likeable family pie. 

When problem gambling enters the domestic picture, home life can begin to feel very different.  Others notice how preoccupied the gambler has become.  His/her schedule may be erratic - and important family events routinely missed.  Financial worries can develop to the point of devastation.  Indeed, loving the circumstances becomes impossible; and, yes, loving the individuals involved may, very well, seem impossible.

Gam-Anon, the self-help support organization of men and women who have been affected by the gambling problem of a loved one, addresses such problems.  Through this 12 Step Program, Gam-Anon members find pathways back to normal modes of thinking and living, whether or not their loved ones continue to gamble.  First and foremost, it’s about taking care of themselves … loving and caring for themselves in healthy ways to be better prepared in dealing with their personal and home-life situations. 

Gam-Anon, then, is about self-recovery … a personal journey of lifting away shame, guilt, anger/rage, and blame.  Gam-Anon is experiencing hope – and in hope, love for life (one’s own life and the lives of others) has fertile ground in which to develop and grow. 

Gam-Anon’s website, http://www.gam-anon.org/ includes a page filled with love.  Check out “Personal Experiences” at http://www.gam-anon.org/purpose.htm .   Read story after story from spouses, a parent, a companion, and an adult child of a gambler about how each person received and gained love from fellow members as they share their journeys in recovery together.   

For more information on hope and help for problem gambling, go to www.grmumc.org

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director,

Gambling Recovery Ministries    

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Post 35

Heartwarming Endings (2012) and Beginnings (2013)

A story that began in early December and continued to develop through New Year’s is one of those that merits being shared … yet again.  It all started when the Tuesday Open GA/Gam-Anon Meeting that meets weekly at Mt. Tabor United Methodist Church (SE Indiana, Greater Cincinnati Area) discussed whether or not to meet on Tuesday, December 25 and Tuesday, January 1. 

I’ll continue what happened – and developed - with the wording of an e-mail I sent to my Bishop of the Indiana Conference, Bishop Michael Coyner.  Good news is always welcome and those in church leadership, especially enjoy and appreciate receiving heartwarming updates ...

Here’s the story italicized in bold!

… In late November, the Gamblers Anonymous/Gam-Anon Meeting that meets on Tuesdays weekly (at the Gambling Recovery Ministries Office and Resource Center at Mt. Tabor UMC) discussed whether or not they should meet on Christmas Day and New Years Day - both, of course, falling on Tuesdays.  They readily answered their own question with YES! …

[The GA “Yellow Book” notes: attend as many meetings as you can: meetings make it! So no matter the holiday, faithful meeting attendance is recommended for continued recovery.  Moreover, estrangement within families can, sadly, happen; and holidays can be very lonely times. Thus meetings provide support and help to ease the pain.] 

So the following Sunday, at Mt. Tabor's Worship Service, during Announcement Time, I included - just as a mention - that the GA/Gam-Anon Meetings will continue through the holidays.

Well, immediately after the Service, I was approached with the offer that the Church provide some sort of refreshment for BOTH meetings.  I was to ask the GA/Gam-Anon members if they would like something to eat during their Christmas and New Year's Meetings.  The Tuesday Meeting folks were very surprised and pleased ... and replied that anything would be fine with them.

Truly, the Tuesday folks (and I) were quite touched.  Others were going out of their way - particularly during a most calendar-filled time of the year - to provide something special for them ... AND this "something special" was done "to encourage them in their recovery"!

Now …  this story has grown …

[Dinner is ready!]

The latest news from Mt. Tabor is that the "bit of refreshments" has grown to a meat-and-cheese tray  … snack items, a variety of cold drinks, a dessert tray, and the coffee pot ready to plug in and perk!  And the Mt. Tabor folks are very pleased and happy to be doing this to affirm others ...

[Furthermore, the New Year’s Day Meeting found hot, steaming homemade chili, hot dogs, shredded cheese, buns, snacks, a huge array of pastries and dessert items, cold drinks, and the coffee pot ready to brew.  Once again, the GA Gam-Anon folks felt blessed with very special support and encouragement …  that go far beyond the bountiful, wonderful feasts they had received on Christmas Day and New Year’s!]

……………

I received a quick response of thanks from Bishop Mike - as he noted  - to a heart-warming story on a cold and snowy day.  As we enter 2013, may this true-life story of hospitality and kindness provide encouragement to all - those in recovery and  those reaching out to bring help and hope to the hurting.

Blessings,

Janet Jacobs

Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director, Gambling Recovery Ministries

For more information on problem gambling and recovery issues, visit www.grmumc.org

Post 34

An Era of Tragedy

As I write December’s entry, I am shocked and saddened – yet again - over the loss of innocent lives by willful violence.  Yesterday’s tragedy reminds us that safety can be threatened throughout a very broad spectrum.  The loss of life obviously indicates that   

physically persons were endangered.  Emotionally, the survivors of the Connecticut school killing remain, undoubtedly, in harm’s way.  I think that I can safely say that post-trauma effects will need to be monitored carefully and continuously.  Spiritually, there will be questions in all of this – for a long time.

I am in hopes that all three aspects of how persons are impacted after such tragedies can and will be addressed.  A total balance of care is called for as the post-event processing is administered.

How will this era of tragedy cease to occur?  On a nationwide radio call-in, yesterday, the topic centered on sacrificial care and giving.  The announcer repeatedly commented that in the face of such violence, the void that results must be filled with the good.  That is, as an essential counter to unthinkable tragedies, the good - which, otherwise, occurs  throughout all corners of our country (and the world) must be heard! 

Today, I received in the mail a Christmas newsletter from a mission in Ecuador.  In it, I found special wording that I would like to share.  The essence of this message speaks to the original and true meaning of Christmas.  Particularly, in the light of so many tragedies that break into human lives, I offer these words: 

When the song of the angels is stilled

When the star in the sky is gone

When the kings and princes are home

When the shepherds are back with their flocks

The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost …

To heal the broken …

To feed the hungry …

To release the prisoner …

To rebuild the nations …

To bring peace among brothers and sisters …

To make music IN THE HEART!

(from the Working Boys’ Center Family of Families Newsletter, Quito, Ecuador)

May you experience, wondrously, God-blessed peace and strength for the challenges you may face in the coming days and years.

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director, Gambling Recovery Ministries    

For more information of problem gambling and recovery issues, visit www.grmumc.org

  

Post 33

Youth Gambling: Why the BIG DEAL?

At the Statewide New Jersey Council on Problem Gambling 2012 Annual Conference, in October, keynote speaker Keith Whyte, Executive Director of the National Council on Problem Gambling, highlighted a number of predictions for the next five years.  Listing as a primary concern, Whyte spoke of the growing trend toward State-by-State acceptance of legalized online gambling.  Several States have already accomplished this; and I wonder if Indiana is leaning this way too.

For sure, here in the Hoosier State, changes are coming. This morning, I read that - beginning February 2013 - our Indiana State Lottery will become privatized in management.   No longer will the lottery be mechanized by our State Government.  Undoubtedly, there will be innovations and the public eye will see some noticeable differences. Moreover, Indiana will be only the second State in the Union to place a statewide lottery system under private ownership.

But legalized online gambling here in Indiana?  Not yet … and not quite.  Keith Whyte did describe, however, an online activity that is not actually gambling.  Games are played – for free – but extra virtual equipment can be purchased as supplemental game pieces.  Whyte cited that the amount of revenue from Facebook social games is $5 billion.  Now, that’s a big deal!

Revisiting the California Council on Problem Gambling website [www.calproblemgambling.org/consequences-of-youth-gambling], several facts on gambling by young (and very young, at that) people underscored big-time potential dangers.  Below is information cited within the California Council’s website.

     In Louisiana, adolescents in juvenile detention are roughly four times more likely to have a serious gambling problem than their peers,² and Delaware and other states have found that adolescent pathological gambling is associated with alcohol and drug use, truancy, low grades, problematic gambling in parents, and illegal activities to finance gambling.
A survey of 8th graders in 2002 found the following troubling connections. Those students that reported gambling were:

• Over 50% more likely to drink alcohol
• More than twice as likely to binge drink
• More than three times as likely to use marijuana
• Three times as likely to use other illegal drugs
• Almost three times as likely to get in trouble with the police
• Three times as likely to be involved in a gang fight
• Almost three times as likely to steal or shoplift

http://www.calproblemgambling.org/consequences-of-youth-gambling/

Given that teens often have strong needs to fit in and be accepted by their peers, it may be difficult for some to resist social opportunities wherein gambling (and yes, underage gambling is illegal) is a common activity.  This month’s GRM Blog includes a listing of ways that will provide replies/responses for young people to give when offered the chance to gamble.

For more information about the dangers of online gambling, go to 

http://www.ncpgambling.org/i4a/headlines/headlinedetails.cfm?id=937

 

For additional information on problem gambling and teens, visit www.grmumc.org

 

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director, Gambling Recovery Ministries

WORKSHEET

Say NO to Gambling: 8 Ready Comebacks

(Adapted for teens facing gambling opportunities: original source addresses young people and alcohol use:  www.asklistenlearn.com)

Below are instant comebacks to say when invited/pressured to gamble.  Tailor-make your own statements in the spaces provided.

1. I’m not a follower. I’m a leader — and I’m saying NO.

2. That’s not my style.

3. No way. That’s not for me.

4. I’m not a gambler. I’m a thinker

5. Sorry, but gambling is not good for my brain.

7. I’m way too cool for that stuff.

8. Write your own reason here: ______________________

    Be creative: use all or parts of the above responses.  

    Most of all: be comfortable with your own comebacks!!

Post 32

The New Gateway?  vs The New Gateway. 

When Gambling Recovery Ministries was born in 2001, I made it a priority to plug into professional continuing education events.  Not only does my ministry appointment require a certain number of CEUs per year, but also, I have found it essential to keep current in this new mental health field of problem gambling recovery.  

Early on, workshops on teen gambling caught my attention.  Having experienced 13+ years of youth ministry prior to serving as parish pastor, I was fascinated by the topic.  Often, the presenters would comment that gambling, most probably, would turn out to be a phase like any other teen-age fetish – and that, again, any problems with gambling would be outgrown.  I remember challenging those remarks during Q & A times: how can you say this, so assuredly, without the benefit of long-standing research? 

  

Then too, there was an intriguing workshop that posed the question: Gambling: the Gateway [behavior] to Drugs?    The presenter brought forth compelling information about teen involvement in gambling.  Indeed, the possibility of connecting teen gambling with subsequent and/or co-occurring substance abuse was worthy of strong attention.  

So I’ve made it a point to keep an eye on the topic of teen gambling.  Over the years, this subject has increasingly gained the attention of the therapeutic community.  Immediate accessibility to both the internet and interpersonal communication has created a world of instant-talk AND instant-bet.  Adults are not the only ones using smartphones’ services to the net – and to the gambling sites. 

Moreover, a number of teens find other ways to place bets through our social media’s latest venues - on a vast variety of contests you would never believe.

So, now, where are we in 2012?  Last week, during the IN-ARMS/Mid-Central Conference on Problem Gambling, I heard the words sans question mark:  for pre-teens and teens, gambling is the gateway.  Period.  No question mark: gambling for these young people opens the gate to high risk behaviors.  Let’s say it again: marijuana is no longer the gateway … it’s gambling.

Going home, I remembered the years-ago workshop that posed the “gateway” question.  Could I find another source to back up this statement? 

 It didn't take long!  

From the California Council on Problem Gambling website -    http://www.calproblemgambling.org/consequences-of-youth-gambling/

I read, But gambling is a serious addiction, and the effects can be every bit as devastating (both to the gambler and their family) as drugs or alcohol. What’s more, gambling is often a “gateway” to other high-risk behaviors.  For example, multiple studies performed in the year 2000 indicated that youth’s gambling in the U.S. often preceded use of cigarettes, hard liquor and marijuana.

In addition, the California Council’s website shares the following: According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), as many as 15% of young people asked have significant gambling problems, and 6% of teens who have gambled have become pathological gamblers.

For more information on teen gambling, visit the following sites:

http://www.800gambler.org/Informational%20Material/A%20Concern%20For%20Parents.pdf

http://www.800gambler.org/Informational%20Material/Adolescent%20Brochure.pdf

http://www.800gambler.org/GAW/2012/High%20School%20Gambling%20Fact%20Sheet.pdf

http://gamblinghelp.org/media/.download_gallery/Gambling%20Among%20Florida%20Middle%20and%20High%20School%20Students.pdf

http://www.springerlink.com/content/l1462m8158t3318n/

http://www.grmumc.org/pagesroot/pages/TypesTeen.aspx?LinkLevel1Id=17&LinkLevel2Id=36

Next month, this blog will continue the topic of teen gambling, along with a GRM Blog  Work Sheet for Teens: How You Can Say No to Gambling.

For further information on problem gambling and recovery issues, go to www.grmumc.org

 

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs
Director, Gambling Recovery Ministries 

Post 31

WORKSHEET:  FACING RECOVERY FROM THE BEGINNING

Perhaps, during this month of September, you have heard more about the topic of recovery than any other time of the year.  Across the country, National Recovery Month has been observed in many ways: magazines articles on the topic of mental health research; recovery programs’  PR campaigns; and support groups picnics, rides, and other social events.  The message is heard repeatedly: celebrate new life in recovery!  “Before” and “after” stories are told – and celebrated all over again.  It is a wonderful reminder to the public – and the hurting – that there is HOPE and HELP in recovery … and it’s worth national attention each year.

Recently, I came across understanding words about gambling addiction and recovery that need to be heard by those seeking recovery from compulsive gambling:

Gambling addiction is a mask for many things that are wrong in your life.   … When you stop gambling, you begin to face life again … [and welcome] reality in your life again.

To celebrate the topic of Recovery, this month’s Blog features another GRM Worksheet addressing those aspects of reality that one eventually faces when entering personal recovery.  The worksheet’s inspiration comes from a quote written to me by a friend: God meets you where you are BUT He does not leave you there.  In other words, recovery implies AND requires change. 

Over the coming months, this Blog will include a series of worksheets on providing a suggested basic structure that will help to frame a day’s length for personal recovery.  The below worksheet - with checkpoints to follow for the individual seeking change -  is the first in the series … starting the day with a GOOD morning!

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Director, Gambling Recovery Ministries

Worksheet:

Facing Recovery: A GOOD Morning CHECKLIST

HAVE A GOOD MORNING!

·        Set a regular time to awake

·        Smile and Pray

·        Regular meal.  Remember the importance of water to drink.

·        Set regular times for any medications.

·        Groom and dress

·        Smile and pray (or recite/read scripture/ devotional reading) again

·        Leave for work on time (ten minutes ahead of time might be better!)

·        OR complete a single, simple chore/project at home, right away. (Once completed, plan the rest of your day: specific goals, appropriate in size, for your particular day’s schedule).

·        Smile and pray. (You’re getting the idea!)

·        Begin your list of planned projects/activities for the day.  Be realistic.  Pace yourself as you work.

·        Be thankful for any and all work done! 

For more information on problem gambling and recovery issues, visit www.grmumc.org