WE DON’T GET TO PICK OUR PARENTS … and …

Post 82

Here we stand, May 30 - Memorial Day - basically half-way between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Behind us are the sweetly worded cards, floral bouquets, generational pictures taken, and time spent in person or on the phone.  Looking ahead, there are lists being made: grilling out plans, sporting events, more pictures to be taken and time spent with the family.  Sound familiar and predictable?  Well, not always.  We don’t get to choose our parents … and sometimes, parents do not provide healthy environments for their children to grow and thrive. Sometimes, those beautifully written, sentimental cards don’t express reality; and – again - sometimes, there may not even be a parent for whom to buy a special greeting card.

For this month’s May edition of the GRM Blog, we will take a look – via several listings of diagnostic questions – at what home life may look like to a child (or an adult looking back at his/her childhood) whose parent(s) and/or siblings may be problem gamblers. Perhaps, these questions will help our blog-audience folks to recognize that an influential person in the home may be experiencing gambling addiction.  Hopefully too, such a realization will open gates to help and hope through treatment and support groups as Gamblers Anonymous and Gam-Anon. 

From www.gam-anon.org, the following questions are taken from the listing entitled, Did You Grow Up with a Compulsive Gambler? (Note: the below wording is from the perspective of recalling the past … these same questions can be re-tensed to pertain to the present day.)

MONEY ISSUES

·         Were you often missing money?

·         Did you hide your money?

·         Were you ever asked to lend money to a parent to pay a bill or debt?

·         Did you know that if you loaned money to a parent, or payed a bill, that the money would not be repaid?

·         Were you told that there was a bank account for you - and when you were older discovered that the money was removed?

·         Do you obsess about money?  Do you feel that you can never have enough money?

UNCERTAINTIES

·         Were you promised gifts or necessities that were never given?

·         Was the parent away from home for unexplained periods of time?

SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

·         Did you stay home a lot so you didn’t have to explain your home life to anyone else?  Did you avoid bringing friends home?

·         Is it difficult to trust people?  Do you feel that you can never trust anyone totally?

PERSONAL ROLE / IDENTITY

·         Did your parents fight about money?  Did you feel responsible?

·         When you were growing up, did you ever feel that everyone depended on you to hold the family together?

·         Did your parents use you as their sounding board for their marriage?

·         Do you feel more like the parent than the child?

·         Do you feel your relationship with your family is a lie?

ACTIVITIES

·         Did your family activities revolve around playing cards, watching sports on TV, particularly in the lottery and other gambling activities?

·         Did the family vacations center around gambling activities?

IN SUMMARY, as described by Lynn John Rambeck, Psy.D. and Elizabeth M. George for  the Minnesota Department of Human Services in the pamphlet It’s Not About Me …

children of problem gamblers may feel:

GUILTY, EMBARRASSED, MAD, RESPONIBLE, CONFUSED, LONELY, and DEPRESSED

GRM Blog’s June edition will continue with information for children and older family members whose lives are (have been) directly affected by persons within the home who are suffering from gambling addiction.

In addition, below are helpful websites for family members dealing with a loved one who is a compulsive gambler.

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director

Gambling Recovery Ministries

FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO:

www.gam-anon.org

www.gamblersanonymous.org

www.indianaproblemgambling.org/family.cfm

www.problemgambling.ca.gov/ccpgwebsite/impacts-on-family.aspx

www.grmumc.org    

 

APRIL FOOL!

Post 81

One of my favorite days of the year during elementary school was April 1 – April Fool’s Day.  In my child-like mind, I was sure that false tales would be convincing enough to fool anyone.  Of course, my kind mother, with her natural affinity toward children, would play along and act surprised.  Several good-humored teachers, likewise, enjoyed the “There’s a spider on your head!” kind of banter.  Foolish acts and sayings - for harmless fun - makes us smile … we expect to be fooled; and we all laugh together.

Over the years, however, I have heard many statements – spoken as truths – that thoroughly have turned out to be myths when it comes to understanding problem gambling.  In such situations, there is no intention to fool or joke with someone.  Rather, these are meant to be serious … and truly become challenges to the associated recovery issues springing from the impacts of gambling addiction. 

Simply, for this month’s edition, I have listed a number of comments spoken to me over the past fifteen years … statements with flawed thinking or that are only partially true, at best.  By seeing such thoughts/concepts/opinions in-the-raw – minus any explanation – I am hoping this simple listing will spark curiosity and stimulate questions about the truth regarding compulsive gambling recovery.   

Here we go … and these below statements, unfortunately,      are not for playing April Fool!

Professional Settings

The fields of Mental Health and Addiction are completely separate areas of care.

It’s enough to deal with only one addiction at a time.

Addiction, addiction, addiction … they’re all the same!

If we put an ad in the local paper about problem gambling treatment, we wouldn’t be able to handle such a large number coming for therapy.

Most mental health agencies will quickly train staff to become certified as gambling counselors.

Was it all right for me to loan my client that sum of money?

Ministry/Faith-Based Settings:

It’s all about sin … all that’s needed is for him/her to pray and stop gambling.

We don’t know of anybody in our church with gambling problems.

We don’t know of anyone in our area with gambling problems; so why start a gambling recovery outreach?

We don’t believe in gambling; so we don’t need to hear about gambling addiction and recovery.

If there are no GA Meetings available in the area, a compassionate pastor or counselor can start a (GA) Meeting.

Individual Remarks

It’s  in the blood.  They are all like that.

Kids gambling?  Not in middle school!

Any 12 Step Meeting will do to help compulsive gamblers gain recovery.

It’s a moral problem. Period.

Again, the above listing indicates faulty and/or incomplete thinking. 

There are corrected and completed replies for each.  I encourage you to seek out the truth about problem gambling and recovery solutions. 

There is – indeed - hope and help!

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries Interfaith Special Projects, Inc.

For more information on Myths and Facts on Gambling Addiction, go to www.grmumc.org

More help:  www.gamblersanonymous.org  and   www.gam-anon.org

 

Problem Gambling Awareness Month!

Post 80

Problem Gambling Awareness Month!

Brackets!  Sweet Sixteen!  Final Four!  Championship Game! 

Yes, March is loaded with talk, speculation, plays and replays, and unfortunately betting.  For a few weeks during the year, college basketball becomes an arena of major sports-betting ... true?  Sadly yes.  And yet, March Madness speculation does not claim exclusivity when it comes to wagering  something of value on the outcome of sporting events.  Again, sadly, betting on sports - at just about any level (pro, amateur, age, gender, final scores, individual plays) takes place throughout the year. 

The National Council on Problem Gambling provides a good number of resource materials on sports betting and fantasy sports wagering on the NCPG website:  www.ncpgambling.org   For this month's GRM Blog edition, I am including, below, highlights from "March Madness and Gambling: Have the Conversation" by Barbara Rollins, one of the articles from this website.

[From Keith Whyte, Executive Director of the National Council] People affected by gambling addiction report feeling trapped during the NCAA tournament, bombarded by commercials and conversations about selections, brackets and Cinderella teams.

The article continues, "According to the American Gaming Association, an estimated 70 million Americans will fill out brackets this month [March] and $9 billion will be wagered during the three-week basketball tournament.

... While gambling is an entertaining pastime for many, for some it can quickly become an overwhelming disorder.  Chemicals in the brain are activated during gambling in much the same way as when drinking alcohol.  Just as having a drink can develop into alcoholism, gambling activity can become an addiction, affecting more than 5 million Americans each year.  Because a gambling disorder often goes unrecognized, only 8% of those with a problem ever seek treatment.

Problem gambling is a legitimate mental health issue that responds well to treatment.  If you suspect someone in your life has a gambling problem, have the conversation. 

• ask if they've ever lied about their gambling
• or [if they have] bet more than they intended

For more ideas on how to have the conversation, and information on problem gambling prevention and treatment resources,

• visit the National Council on Problem Gambling at  www.ncpgambling.org  
• contact the National Problem Gambling Helpline 24/7:  Call or text 1-800-522-4700
• chat at ncpgambling.org/chat
• follow ... [NCPG] on Facebook and Twitter @NCPG #HavetheConvo for frequent updates." 

Have the conversation!  Don't hesitate or be afraid.  This may be the most conversation your friend or loved one will ever have!

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries

For further information on recovery from gambling addiction, go to www.gamblersanonymous.org  and www.gam-anon.org

Post 79

AWE … Recognizing, Experiencing, Living It!

 

Last month, a group of us spent four lovely hours at the Cincinnati Art Museum.  A visiting exhibit of women’s clothing dating from 1910 to1980, from the Brooklyn Museum Costume Collection prompted this trip. The dresses were creations of well-known designers and the needlework and fabrics were exquisite.  I was in awe!  My favorite was an evening gown with a full skirt totally comprised of narrow bands of material with blending soft colors.  Later, we checked out the special Cincinnati Wing and marveled at the paintings, pottery, and intricately carved wooden furniture.   

We all agreed upon leaving, that there should be more – and regular - visits to the Art Museum ... to experience the sense of awe and be inspired by the beauty of creative minds and hands.  We talked further … how often do we deliberately place ourselves in position to experience awesomeness?    Do we dismiss such ventures as not available, too expensive, taking too much time?

Further into the discussion, I began to wonder how experiencing awe can be a discipline of mind and body.  To see, to hear, to touch, to smell, to taste … using our senses, how might we open ourselves to experiencing beyond the mundane?  How could this expand our journeys of recovery to greater depths of appreciation and thankfulness?  Indeed, how would experiencing awe fit into our lives as a daily discipline?

Working my way through the senses, I offer the following suggestions as to how we can increase our experiences of awe in daily living.  May these serve only as beginning starters to fuel recognitions of awe in our midst!

SIGHT: colors and shades in nature, artwork, fabrics, painted surfaces, pottery, stain-glass; the balance of sculpture; seeing excitement in a child’s eyes; the grandeur of mountain heights

SOUNDS:  music of instruments, stimulating discussions, singing voices, animal calls,   joyful expressions, the wind, the surf, the clippity-clop of horses’ hooves on country roads, soothing words, healing words, rewarding affirmations, the listening to one another

TOUCH:  the softness of grass, texture of bark, wet sand, smooth rocks, smooth satin, rough burlap, warm water, packed snowballs, polished wood

SMELL:  fresh-baked bread, fresh-cut lumber, pine trees in the mountains, clean laundry, bins of wheat, rosebuds, candles lit

TASTE:  homemade extra-vanilla ice cream  (enough said!) 

In closing, let us keep in mind – and practice – the often-heard expression in recovery circles:  we are grateful* members (of the human race)!    [* awe-struck by gratitude]

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director

Gambling Recovery Ministries

For more information on grateful recovery from gambling addiction, go to

www.gamblersanonymous.org

www.gam-anon.org

Post 78

one TINY click …

 Just one tiny puff … one tiny snort … one tiny bet … one tiny click …

Just one tiny … !  Recently, I came across a series of videos on the net with the goal of coaching folks through the quit-smoking process.  A wide variety of topics are offered to provide been-there-done-that expertise in quitting the use of tobacco.  The details are practical, basic, real-life, and whole-heartedly, essential for a successful quit.  Of everything stated, one piece of advice – however - kept re-appearing: never take another puff.  Okay, okay … we get it!  Honestly, although I am not a smoker, every time I saw the continuous warning, I wondered:  is this repetition necessary?  Is it just a bit of an exaggeration?

Then I came across an extremely enlightening research report.  It seems that research techniques now can scan nicotinic receptors (primary sites wherein nicotine attaches to brain neurons) in the brains of persons in the act of smoking.  My understanding (albeit sketchy) from this information is that for cravings to be satisfied (i.e., satisfied for the limited amount of minutes during which nicotine stimulates a chemical response to the brain) about  95% of the receptors must be occupied.  Smoking one cigarette generally occupies 88% of the receptors; three puffs occupies about 75%; and get this – one (tiny) puff occupies 33% of the receptors!  

 ( http://www.drugabuse.gov/news-events/nida-notes/2008/12/imaging-studies-elucidate-neurobiology-cigarette-craving )    

So truly, there is something of physiological importance to the not-even-a-single-puff warning!  In addition, the research assures us, time and time again, that there are behavioral factors which can significantly contribute to relapse. Why add one tiny puff to one’s own individual leanings to associate certain behaviors and settings with an addiction that’s been laid to rest (even for years)?

Moreover, when one reads the Gamblers Anonymous literature (GA Yellow Combo Book), that abstinence-warning is ever present.  Don’t test or tempt yourself; don’t go in or near gambling establishments … Don’t associate with anyone who gambles …Don’t gamble for anything … not even a flip of a coin.   Is this an exaggeration?  Not for gamblers who are successfully living recovery.

And speaking of recovery, let’s turn over the “just one tiny ___”  and see the flip side … the healthy, new ways we can experience life’s joys that we may have never met before.  It can be the result of one tiny call to a helpline or counselor or clergyperson …  or one tiny piece of information that encourages, enlightens, or provides direction …  or one tiny verse of sacred writing for inspiration … or one tiny click on the internet to a website that opens doors to helpful resources.

Here then, is the story of GRM’s one tiny click.  It’s actually quite simple!  Pastor at Christ United Methodist Ministry Center (CMC) in San Diego clicks Like on CMC’s Facebook Page; this Like shows up on the feed of Friend G ( Friend to Pastor) and she is intrigued; Friend G emails Rev. J with the Ministry Center’s website;  Rev. J makes one tiny click to this website, writes an e-mail to the Center’s Director, Rev. Dr. Bill Jenkins; and the CMC doors of friendship and community service fling wide open.  This is the story of GRM’s mission beginnings in Central San Diego and the outpost of gambling recovery information at Christ UM Ministry Center.  One tiny click!        

Still, there’s one more Click to tell about!  Let’s go back to Christ United Methodist Ministry Center.  Dr. Bill Jenkins has been working on an ever-expanding Help Website called The Fount of Blessings.  Beginning in the Greater San Diego Area, Dr. Jenkins has created a multi-resources website that guides people in need to all kinds of services and ministries. The Fount is now criss-crossing the United States!  It is Dr. Jenkins goal to include as many cities/counties/regions of our country within this mega internet-resource!  For a fascinating look at the Fount and the ever-growing urban ministry center - CMC – visit www.christsd.com .  To explore the Fount, go to www.MyFount.com  .

At the beginning of this New Year 2016, let us not underestimate the power of tiny actions … for good, for healing, and for God!

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs

Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries

For more information, tiny clicks go a long way at:

Gambling Recovery Ministries: www.grmumc.org

Gamblers Anonymous: www.gamblersanonymous.org

Gam-Anon:  www.gam-anon.org

National Council on Problem Gambling: www.ncpgambling.org

Indiana Council on Problem Gambling: www.indianaproblemgambling.org

Kentucky Council on Problem Gambling: www.kycpg.org

California Council on Problem Gambling:  www.calpg.org

Post 77

Defining Moments ... Defining Us

Recently, my eyes caught a headline detailing a well-known person's defining moment.  Interestingly, for a couple of days before this, I had been engaged in an ongoing conversation about defining moments that occur in everybody's life journey.  Indeed, the point was made: that most often, there are actually a number of times throughout life wherein certain key decisions are made - or not made (which, in reality, is a decision too).  

As these discussions continued, memories popped up, pointing to so many key choices I have made over the years.  Yes, some were more key than others … some were mini-key decisions - and several were of mega-proportion … and yet, they all moved me in certain directions to where I am now.  It seems, there have been a good many of these defining moments - perhaps more than for others.  However, the number in one's life is not a contest.  Rather, I believe it is how we meet key crossroads and new opportunities.   

Perhaps, it's because we are nearing the special, holy time of Christmas, my thoughts continue to review the Gospel of Luke's description of Mary's response to the angel's message.  She - a virgin - would become with child, one who would be the Savior to a dying world.  What would her reply be?  This, for sure, was the defining moment for Mary.  

What strikes me as I read Mary's answer is that she does not reply why; but instead, she asks how.   This is true wisdom.  Still, in our very own lives, do we see such wisdom?  What initial questions come to us when a key decision is to be made?  Do we ponder the why?? of the situation?  Do we look only at our own abilities alone?  Do we allow the what-ifs to reign?  Do we knee-jerk in doubt, fear, or derisive laughter?  Basically, do we define the challenge/opportunity/invitation/the calling  just by the perimeters we can see at the moment?  Do we hesitate or reject because we must see the whole picture ... the complete details ... the miles down the road? 

Instead, do we soak the decision-to-be-made in prayer?  The following are suggestions in shaping our how questions in prayer when facing those to-be defining-moments in our lives... those decisions for recovery ... and those commitments to continued recovery.

• If there are questions You want me to ask You about this potential decision, help me to be open to receiving these questions - and then, help me to ask You the questions and to ask about them 
• With whom do You want me to have prayer support concerning this potential decision?
• In approaching this decision, how do You want me to go forward initially (first step)
• How then, do I take this first step/leap of faith?
• Remind me that You grant the courage, strength, and abilities; and You empower the vision for what is to be
• How do You define me?

May this last question be your first; and may the decisions you make define your God-given potential in all areas of your life!

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries 

For more information on problem gambling and recovery issues, visit www.grmumc.org, www.gamblersanonymous.org, and www.gam-anon.org   

For resources on problem gambling, go to the National Council on Problem Gambling at www.ncpgambling.org

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

    

 

"P-R-A-Y"*
 *Reverend Dr. Bill Jenkins' Pastorgraph

Post 76

Right off the bat, I want to credit Dr. Bill Jenkins for the inspiration behind this edition's topic of Prayer.  From the Christ United Methodist Ministry Center website www.christsd.com, Dr. Jenkins wrote last spring, within his weekly Pastorgraph column, a reminder of just what the activity of prayer should contain.  And yes, that's right: the activity of prayer.  In other words, to be involved in prayer is to be actively engaged in prayer.  Our mouths can recite prayers but our minds and emotions may not necessarily participate while speaking the words.  

Here - according to Dr. Jenkins - is a helpful model to follow in order to deepen one's prayer life:

"P = PAUSE"  As we pause before entering into prayer, we can remind ourselves that this is a holy time of conversation between the Divine and ourselves.  In other words, for what is about to happen within our prayer time, we need to get ready! Again, in prayer, we are entering The Holy.

"R = RESPECT"  Now we give God the credit - in great thanksgiving - for our many blessings.  Our appreciation is expressed for the small and large ... for the unnoticed and obvious alike.  Simply put, we thank God; and gratitude becomes a framework for our prayer.

"A = ASK"  We lift petitions to our Creator, our Higher Power, our God.  We ask ... for others we know and don't know; we ask without limit to size; we ask - yes - for ourselves too.  It's most important for us to know and believe that God wants to hear from us ... and  God's response will be God's response within Divine will.

"Y = YEILD"  As we wait for God's answer, we listen.  In time, as we yield and meditate, we may hear more of what to pray.  Accordingly, our praying within Divine will shall call for and, hopefully, bring forth new (and perhaps, unexpected) responses from us.  

Why this topic of prayer for November?  As I viewed Norman Rockwell's famous Thanksgiving painting depicting a tableful of jovial and happy-looking folks, his other table-setting picture came to mind.  There in the midst of onlookers sat an elder woman and young boy with heads bowed at the restaurant table.  The other patrons' expressions ranged from budding awe to simple curiosity.  This was a normal time of prayer ... regardless of an audience.  Indeed, the concept of prayer can be viewed in many ways - from a once/year blessing at Thanksgiving to a  daily pray-without-ceasing practice. 

Last week, during our American Board Clergy /Lay Ministers Certification Trainings in Lexington, I stressed we as faith leaders need to be aware of varying attitudes of prayer.  Particularly, many who are overwhelmed by gambling addiction do not feel that they are worthy of being prayed for and also, that they are not worthy of being pray-ors themselves.  It is essential that we as faith-based leaders encourage both problem gamblers and their loved ones to know that, indeed, God does care for them and again, God wants to hear from them.  The healing begins as Step 2 describes,  we "came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living."  

May you experience blessed thanksgivings each day of the year!    

Blessings,

Rev. Janet Jacobs
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries

For more information on problem gambling and recovery issues, visit www.grmumc.org .

For more on the Twelve Steps, go to www.gamblersanonymous.org and www.gam-anon.org .